Laurell K. Hamilton-- You Suck

I am a huge nerd and as such like to read science fiction books. I decided to take a chance on Laurell K. Hamilton's Blood Noir, as it was apparently a bestselling novel. It has to be the worst book I've ever read, including textbooks and all of the Star Wars books I've trudged through over the years.

The whole thing was written worse than the Baltimore Sun, which is a newspaper that pushes the limit if it hits fifth grade vocab. Ms. Hamilton (you bet your ass she's not married) apparently wrote this thing on a typewriter, because there is no fucking way that anyone would be able to look at a computer screen, see that you do, in fact, use the same adverbs and adjectives over and over again and be ok with it. Hey Laurell- hit shift-mother fucking f7. Use a goddamned thesaurus. Then the book would have been readable.

To move on to why this book was not good: It was clearly written by a hopelessly horny yet romantic woman who's looks are going or never were there. Whenever your main character can be described as you minus some poundage, a few years, and better facial features you are projecting too much. Also, a woman that gets power from sex? Are you kidding me? Don't all women use sex to get shit they want?

Also- stop googling animals to make new were-species. Its fucking annoying that I not only have to keep track of vampires, werewolves, and scheming humans but were-rats, were-leopards? How about you get bitten by a rabid Stephen King and develop the power to write enjoyable fiction. It could be a new series: Laurell K. Hamilton's new Writer's Block stories, starting with Curse of the Too Descriptive Narrative that Goes Nowhere after Hundreds of Pages. It will be a bestseller in Hell, which must be the largest purchaser of your crap fiction.

Read Philip K. Dick, he won't let you down.