Fuck ABC Family

So, its been awhile since my last post. Quite awhile actually. I haven't been my normal, angry self because I've kind of learned how to deal with most things that piss me off. But after almost two weeks of studying and exams, with one left before I can peace out for a month, I'm losing my shit. You may ask, what could possibly set a sleep-deprived, studying, Bearate (combination pirate + bear) off? One thing (besides fucking hippies): The bastardization of Rudolph. Imagine my joy, whilst taking a study break, upon finding that Rudolph and the Isle of Misfit Toys was on ABC Family. It brought back the many fond memories I had about stop-motion animation, Yukon Cornelius, and Burl Ives as a fat snowman. I turn it on with a glimmer of nostalgia and happiness in my eyes, an event as rare as the fucking apocalypse, and FUCK! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! Instead of a lovable children's' movie, there was a fucking computer-animated new-voiced piece of shit in front of me. I got to see a childhood classic updated and in HD. I don't know about you, but a cock punch does not feel better in HD. Whose idea was this? Here's my interpretation:

Cockmonger: Damn writers strike. What are we going to do about Christm-I mean the holidays?
Asslicker: Hmm. We could do a reality tv show about midgets making toys. People love to watch midgets because they're different and thus scary to the general population.
CM: No, the rights aren't up on that yet from Little People Big World.
AL: We could just show old holiday movies. Like Rudolph. Even Jews love rudolph.
CM: NO! I have an even better idea. Rewrite Rudoph, put it in CG, and rape everyone's childhood memory1
AL: Sir, that is an excellent idea.
CM: Thank you. Now lets go do our volunteer time at the abortion clinic. Its always so busy this time of year anyway.
AL: Yes sir. Not all the Christmas Hams get fully cooked!
CM: You crack me up. You'll have to meet Satan next time he visits me.

Fuck the writers strike, and fuck ABC Family.